11 Million Dollar Babies

NBC News is reporting that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins, fathered by Brad Pitt. They are also reporting that People Magazine has a deal with the happy parents to get exclusive photographs of the infants for a cool 11 million, which the Joliepitts say they'll give to charity.

11 million dollars. ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS! For pictures. Of babies. They could grab ANY two caucasian infants from the nursery and pose with them and people would be none the wiser.

Since when did we start paying people to be. . . human? Are we paying Brad Pitt because his dick works? Or are we paying Angelina for doing what billions of other mothers around the world do for free?

They're ACTORS. They're "good" actors. Not "amazing," not "incredible," not even "great." They're "good."

Yes, they're attractive. But the dude holding the leaf blower outside my office looks JUST like Brad Pitt - well, he does to me, anyway. And as gorgeous as Angelina is, I've seen women that will put even her to shame.

This stinks, people. It stinks like baby shit. Are we so obsessed with other people's lives? Are we collectively that miserable that we need to have a legion of photographers staked outside the hospital in Nice, France to effectively MOB them as they leave the hospital? Are we really as "hungry" as the tabloids say we are for photos of famous people doing ordinary things?

In the words of William Shatner: "GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! . . . You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME! I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves? . . .There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! . . .YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... "